Sensing Heartbreaks in Montreal’s Luxurious Royalmount: Listening to Silent Tears & Hearing the Loudness of Embodied Cries
by Rosalin Benedict
You see how they doin us
The images that you be seeing on TV ain′t nothin to do with us
They pin us against one another they love when we fight cuz they using us
Taking our homes tearing 'em down and they claim that they moving us
They wish they were through with us
You see how they doing us
Stripping us of our humanity
Falasteeni hasis hali ghareeb
Joowato la baladi
-Lyrics from “Nirvana in Gaza,” song by Saint Levant, 2020
The opulent atmosphere of Royalmount Mall evokes a state of Nirvana - bliss, I feel, through an overflow of light. From a Buddhist perspective, Nirvana is a place of enlightenment experienced by individuals who free themselves from suffering and desires by reaching pure happiness and peace. Many Buddhists describe this experience as an awakening, allowing them to dwell on the meanings of truth and aliveness. Is the Royalmount Mall truly a place of bliss where no pain or desires are experienced? What stories and struggles are expressed, experienced and concealed within its walls and windows? This sensory ethnography focuses on lived realities and feelings of sadness, courage, joy and hope. As such, heavy, sorrowful eyes and hopeful, broken hearts are the center of my ethnography of the Royalmount. I was inspired by two meaningful encounters during fieldwork: an Armenian woman’s silent tears and a Middle Eastern boy’s embodied cries. It is significant to acknowledge that both interactions ended with an exchange of warm smiles, which affected my ethnographic experiences.
Sensory Aesthetics, Nov. 1st, 4:32pm
Walking into the Royalmount Mall through the Parc Urbain entrance, people are welcomed by an enormous 3D bear sculpture. Pink and white with a tree on its head, it looked peaceful and joyful. I looked around; the brightness of open spaces and vibrant, colourful artwork enraptured me. Specifically, the windowed ceiling created an atmosphere that felt like I was in the clouds. A heavenly atmosphere was evoked as I looked up to the sky, searching for the moon and the sun.
The mall became alive: the illuminated store names, its moving walls, such as the advertisement for Gucci - a video of two models loops on giant screens the size of the wall itself and the fake yet realistic trees beneath which people can sit on stone-like seats. The main details grasping my attention were the colours and lights throughout the mall that awakened senses of sight, smell and touch as I walked past countless apparel, shoes, jewellery, homeware and beauty stores on both levels. As the mall is still opening new stores, the walls are covered in illustrations from different artists; their beauty is amplified as the windowed ceiling welcomes sunlight caressing the artwork, including the sculptures hanging from the ceiling and displayed in the passages, and renders them more aesthetically pleasing.
L’Occitane en Provence caught my attention as the walls were yellow, the store's name was glowing so elegantly on the wall, and the entrance was in the shape of a half-moon. I instantly thought of the sun, which evoked a sense of warmth and put me in a bright, joyful mood. Another store I found interesting was Dolce Vita, a shoe store - all white and gentle lights, the store is art in itself. The store's entrance presents a carved wall where shoes are displayed in a unique, artsy way. The store's ambiance evoked a sense of peace due to the soft yellow lights reflecting off the white walls. Amongst others, both of these observations promote senses of joy and states of feeling good. As I kept walking, although there were radiant and warm spaces, I wondered what hides in plain sight within the shadows of the Royalmount Mall and what stories are silenced or suffocated in its luxurious atmospheres.
The inside of a store may be experienced through the outside, as most stores consist of glass walls. Instead of entering the store to look around, many people stand outside and look through the glass. Although it creates more of an open space and facilitates fast-paced shopping, as in “let me see if I like anything before entering,” it creates an intimidating atmosphere. Why enter and not buy? Can I only enter if I want to buy? Are there glass walls so people who cannot afford an item can appreciate luxury from afar? Do I simply look from outside, or can I come in and touch the bags, coats and shoes?
Perfume of Nirvana, Nov. 1st, 5:03 pm
The bright lights of the beauty store Rennai pulled me to walk towards it. From afar, I saw perfumes and makeup. As I got closer, I stopped and followed a soothing scent that brought me to Le Labo, a perfumery next to Rennai. As my smell is impaired, being able to smell something so peaceful heightened my senses and revitalized my curiosity. I entered and instantly felt safe and welcomed in the space. White walls, wooden tables, and shelves held expensive fragrances, body and face creams, and hair products, amongst other commodities. There were 18 fragrances, which included lavender, matcha tea, black tea, rose, ylang-ylang, orange blossom, and neroli. A warm scent of enlightenment evoked through smell and different sensorial perceptions enveloped this shop.
I looked towards the cash register and saw, whom I shall call Amaal, the only employee in the empty store. Although it was silent, the loudness of the scents were felt in its atmosphere, and these scents carried stories. Wearing a comfy white sweater, she approached me with kind eyes and a gentle smile; her presence felt welcoming. Perhaps the calm energies embodying the store are not solely the scents but Amaal’s presence. A synergy of senses is felt - a warm ambiance suffused the environment.
After she explained the concept of Le Labo, Amaal provided its history and made me smell a few perfumes and feel the textures of certain products. A few minutes passed, and she noticed my bracelet, “Free Gaza - Free Palestine.” I told her a friend gave it to me; I’ve been aware of the genocide happening in Gaza since I was in high school. We instantly connected as she revealed that her Armenian family experienced genocide and relocated in Syria; and, I shared that my Tamil family survived genocide in Sri Lanka and relocated throughout Europe and Canada. We shared deep conversations of compassion, heartbreak, hope, courage and strength that lasted around 20 minutes. Behind our smiles between sentences, we can feel each other’s silent tears as we speak of Palestine, Armenia and Sri Lanka.
Amaal expressed the significance of supporting Palestine and being a strong ally of Palestinians. In Syria, her dad is a well-known painter, and she is searching for an NGO with whom she could collaborate to sell paintings and raise funds for Palestine. She showed me two cathartic art pieces: a melancholic painting of a young girl laying her head down on a staircase, expressing emotions of sadness and worry, and the other, a warrior-like woman with black hair on a black horse showing fierceness and strength. Both paintings embody pain and courage. They spoke more vibrantly and loudly than the ones throughout the walls of the Royalmount Mall.
Before I left the store, she gave me samples of five perfumes. As I walked away with scented bottles of hope and courage, I felt gratitude throughout my feeling body. By paying attention to my sense of smell and following a scent embodied in peace, I experienced a meaningful encounter.
Sunset Encounter, Nov. 1st, 5:34 pm
Walking on the second floor of the Royalmount, I noticed the mesmerizing sunset, a symbol of endings and new beginnings, illuminating the clouds through the massive window—feelings of joy and warmth enlightened many deeply felt moods and atmospheres. I walked towards the sunset and stopped to stare through the window. Although my interaction with Amaal evoked difficult feelings and conversations, the sunset soothed a few sorrows.
“Excuse me, miss?” I turned around and saw a boy with deep green, weary eyes; he looked 15-16 years old, holding three pink paper bags. He explained that he was being deported back to his country in the Middle East and he was trying to sell goody bags for 15$ to raise money and go to court. He pointed toward the food court and said, “I have been here with my sister and mother since this morning and having trouble selling my candies.” Although I was skeptical, I felt his pain. His eyes held back tears, but his body cried for help. Cries that are silently loud, yet loudly silent, as he expressed himself with kindness and hope. I bought a bag for 10$. A genuine smile lit up his face, and he was overjoyed; “God bless you,” he exclaimed, walking away.
Paying attention to him and listening to his story to understand him allowed me to notice his emotions and body language and create a safe, open, and warm space to express. The boy’s embodied cries resonated and echoed throughout the luxurious mall; and a state of anxiety rushed through my veins. I felt numb as my heart started beating fast. I felt pain and guilt. How many are in this mall whose hearts are broken like his?
I looked up at the windowed ceiling to find peace within the clouds, yet I started viewing the ceiling differently. I now noticed the black metal linings that felt like we were in a cage - imprisoned. My body succumbed to anxiety and sadness. Carrying a pink paper bag, I walk to find somewhere to sit and breathe. There were not many people around me; thus, it was silent. And, now, I heard the loudness of the Middle Eastern boy’s embodied cries, which was enough to blind me with tears. From the second floor, I look down towards the first, see Maria walking around, and call out her name.
Saint-Laurent Museum, Nov. 1st, 5:52pm
Maria and I entered the Saint Laurent store. It was extremely clean and chic; employees wore all-black outfits, and the décor was meticulously chosen. Only one piece of each style of clothing was displayed and hung from the ceiling in different areas, such as against the wall or the middle of the room. Bags, shoes and glasses were fashionably displayed on marbled and black shelves or tables. Watches and bracelets were delicately placed on the tables inside showcases. Products are displayed in different rooms, just like paintings and sculptures in museums, and we walked through one room to access the next one. Entering a new room felt like a new atmosphere where each product carries its own story.
It truly felt like wandering inside a museum where no one is allowed to speak or touch anything: I told Maria, “I’m whispering, and I don’t know if I can touch anything; I feel like I’m in a museum.” Most individuals strolled as if they were observing untouchable ancient relics. At a certain moment, I gently touched a beautiful black bag and lifted it by its handle with care as if it was a delicate, precious object.
The store embodies a silence, yet simultaneously a loudness in richness and prestige. However, the embodied sounds of heartbreaks and cries intensified as I felt the silence and loudness of my two meaningful encounters - especially with the Middle Eastern boy - that kept getting louder in the luxurious Saint Laurent store. I felt fragile, like an antique museum artifact; my body held heavy emotions that did not just belong to me.
Awakening Senses of Attention
Paying attention is more than just achieved through sight, touch, taste, smell and hearing, as genuine listening is experienced and expressed by awakening senses that may be dormant and ought to be felt in order to be understood, such as of the heart. For instance, I may listen to a person’s heartbreaking story but bodily understanding and feeling what they are expressing is achieved by awakening felt senses of attention through emotional stimulation like compassion and empathy.
Attuning to our surroundings beyond what we see allows us to grasp a better understanding of the lived realities that silently exist in our environments. In regards to the Royalmount mall, the presence of poverty and war stories are as vibrant as the lights in the mall; it perpetuates an atmosphere that made me reflect on lived and felt social, political and financial struggles. This ethnography helped me reflect beyond what we see with our bare eyes, as the senses of the heart were awakened by listening to silent tears and hearing the loudness of embodied cries.
Royalmount Mall is not solely vibrant due to its art and colours, the energies created by a multitude of shared stories of pain, courage, hope and suffering also suffuse the mall. The mall may be bright with tangible lights, but warm smiles and hopeful stories render it more abundant.
Is the cry of someone beside us silenced when the luxury brands are too loud? People suffer and embody broken hearts within the luxurious, enlightened Royalmount Mall. There is a felt silence amidst the felt loudness of cries and heartbreaks; yet, whispers and tears of hope are loud enough if one awakens their senses of attention to the felt realities lived within the Royalmout Mall.
